Resistance to change part 2

Experts in the field suggest various solutions to help revive stagnant marriages. Adjusting the use of time and prioritizing love, going out for dinner together and going on weekend picnics, listening to our lover; Appreciation and increasing the attention we give to our lover… are offered as solutions to warm up stagnant marriages.

While these solutions are sometimes effective, sometimes they are less effective in solving the problem.

However, when a change begins to happen in a love relationship, instead of thinking about the end of our relationship, what if we try to stop and consider the situation and understand the process of change in the relationship?

In the journey of life, it is inevitable that we move from childhood to childhood, from childhood to adolescence, and then to old age. We all accept this natural process of change.

However, we have a hard time accepting changes in relationships. However, a relationship is also a completely dynamic process of living together between two different individuals. Like any system of life, love is a life cycle that goes through various stages of change.

Closeness of people in any relationship can be expressed in different aspects. Human relationships are sometimes based on physical contact and sometimes based on emotional and mental connections.

These three aspects of communication are the ways in which we bond with the people we love. Sometimes we are driven by physical desires, and at other times, our physical desires subside and we seek emotional connections.

Sometimes our physical and emotional needs are gone and we want to communicate and support each other. In romantic relationships, couples panic when their physical and emotional needs begin to wane.

They think their end is near. However, when this event occurs in a romantic relationship, instead of worrying and panicking, the couple should prepare themselves for the new aspect of the relationship.

This aspect of communication is a completely new level of communication where we are united in thought, attitude and lifestyle beyond the physical and emotional aspects.

In his book Intimate Behavior, Desmond Morris puts people’s need for intimacy in a unique way. According to Morris, we all go through three stages of change called hug me, pull me down, and leave me.

We all want to be hugged as babies. We say hug me because we are not able to move on our own. However, when we start saying Dade and want to move on our own, we move to the stage of development where we say take me down and try to break free from our mother’s arms.

When we reach puberty and start to search for ourselves and create our own identity, we start saying leave me to everyone around us, including our parents.

This growth cycle is a perfectly healthy and natural process of change. After we say take me down, it’s nice to hug. Sometimes we need the love, support and care of our parents after we leave them.

This natural process of change works not only in our upbringing but also in our relationships. The connection in our relationship life goes through stages of change from body to body attachment and hugs to body to body alienation. In order for our togetherness to be sustainable, there must be an awareness of handling the process of closeness and distance in a balanced way.

If this understanding of change is established within us, we will not live with great shock and pain when we see alienation in our relationship. Of course, sometimes emotional detachment in a relationship can be an indication that something serious is going on.

This does not mean that every feeling of alienation in a relationship is a sign of the end. Perhaps this emotional detachment is a stage of change that rebuilds our relationship, perhaps creating a new spirit of closeness.

Because of this, recognizing this stage of change and accepting it as a natural aspect of a relationship can be very beneficial beyond saving our relationship from failure.

At the moment when we feel that something has evaporated and disappeared in our love relationship, an amazing opportunity for change can arise. This opportunity for change can be the basis for true love to blossom from within us.

Of course, after this incident, our relationship will no longer be based on physical desire and emotional dependence. This transformational opportunity is an opportunity for us to realize the true identity of our life partner.

Our misperception of our friend and the respect we give to our friend will be balanced in this opportunity of change. We understand that our friend is a free individual with his own personality and his own weaknesses like any other person. Of course, true love is the steadfastness and commitment of togetherness that we show after seeing the true nature of our life partner.

Margaret’s marriage, which we used as an example earlier, was a romantic relationship that could be reformed by taking this process of change into account.

Rather than seeing the change in their marriage as a sign of its end, Margaret and her husband could have saved their marriage from falling apart and established a new love life free of emotional dependency.
They could.

Fortunately, their story did not end there. When I was two years old after I ended my relationship with Margaret, we met by chance at the supermarket.

And I asked, “How is life?”

“Say nothing…” she replied….the same as before last month
My husband and I got married again….” she said.

“Really?!”

“Yes… After we got divorced, we used to meet when we visited our son together.” We also had the opportunity to think freely about our love.

When we thought about these things independently, we realized that we really loved each other. So we decided to get married again. Although it is not the same as our first love, we are both living happily.

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